Dear Ab | Partner only wants intimacy with a third participant

DEAR ABBY: I have an open relationship with my partner. We both enjoy interacting with other people, but only if we agree on the person. It went great; I still have my one-on-one time with my partner. But now it seems that instead of just making out with me, he only wants to touch me when someone else comes over. What’s the best way to approach him about this? Should I suggest we stop inviting people to that kind of fun?

– ADVENTUROUS LADY

DEAR LADY: It seems like your partner has lost interest in one-on-one intimacy. If so, he needs to take responsibility so that you can adjust your life accordingly. Healthy relationships, open or closed, involve honest communication. If you’re unhappy with the way your relationship has evolved, you have every right to say so.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m 58 and a recovering addict. I’ve been using drugs and alcohol for over thirty years, and now, thank God, I’ve been clean for twenty months. During my addiction, I had a friend who was my greatest support. I always considered him a friend as he was there when I was actively addicted.

Now that I’m clean, he wants to take it a step further and go from friends to a relationship. Yes, I care about him, but he wants to get married without getting to know the real me first. He is a hard worker who does not drink or smoke. He just works and comes home. He’s exactly the type of man I was looking for. Can you advise me what to do?

– CLEAN AND FURNISHED IN FLORIDA

Best Clean and Sober: Your statement that this man wants to get married without getting to know the real one first (I assume you mean down to earth) speaks volumes to me. It tells me that you are making mature, well-thought-out judgments, for which I congratulate you. He may be exactly the type you are looking for, but postpone marriage until you are sure he knows and can accept the new, strong and down-to-earth you.

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DEAR ABBY: We have vegetarian and vegan friends. Whenever we invite them to a party over the years, we (omnivores) always make sure to include dishes that they will enjoy. But when they invite guests for dinner, they never – ever – bring a meat dish, not even a piece of chicken.

I asked around and apparently that’s everyone’s experience. Don’t you think a little reciprocity is in order? As it stands, the hospitality rule seems decidedly one-sided. If the vegans are worried about leftovers that are inedible (to them), they can always provide a doggy bag for their guests.

– ONE-SIDED IN THE WEST

BEST ONE-SIDED: Please consider this your wake-up call. Many vegans and vegetarians do not want meat, chicken or fish in their kitchen. If you feel the need to consume animal protein in addition to what they offer, consume some before you go home or afterward. If you don’t like this, respond to their invitation with polite regret.