By admin 
DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have an extremely difficult relationship. She wants to treat me like a child even though I’m 66. My husband and I do a lot of things for her and her husband as they are in their mid 80’s.
Thanksgiving was a disaster and we don’t want to spend the holidays with them anymore. She asks everyone but me why I’m mad at her. When I tried to explain to her in a letter how her actions affected me, she became defensive and called it “hateful.” I don’t like confrontations. I’m like a deer in headlights and can’t think of anything to say to her. How can I let her know that we plan to spend our vacation alone now without her feeling like we hate her? — ONLY IN THE SOUTH
DEAR ONLY: I see no reason to tell your mother that you will no longer spend holidays with her and her husband. If she asks, say you’ve made “other plans” and won’t be available. If she accuses you of hating her or being angry with her, tell her for the reasons stated in your letter: it has become too stressful.
If your mother complains to the rest of the family members, which she probably will, explain the reasons why you skipped the stressful vacation and tell them that they can explain it to her because every time you try, she votes you down off.
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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.