By admin 
Dear Erik: I just read the question about the person who always has something negative to say about what’s going bad in her life. (“Not Your Therapist.”) That was me four decades ago when a toxic relationship took over my life. Every conversation was about how badly he treated me. My boyfriend finally said to me, “I love you as a friend and want to spend time with you, but it hurts me to see how poorly he treats you.” Our conversation seems to revolve around him, and I can’t facilitate these conversations by listening to your situation.”
Then she said that if I started talking about him, she would change the subject and direct the conversation to something else. If I talked about him again, she would try again. When I brought it up again, she ended the conversation calmly and politely. It only took her leaving the conversation once or twice before I got her message. I stopped complaining about him and not long after I saw the light and broke up with him. My friend was kind, steady and really showed her friendship by caring for me in this way.
– Good friend
Best friend: The gentle but firm redirect is a great gesture. The best friends are with us in good times and in the pits. But I always appreciate a friend who knows me well enough to say, “I think you’re stuck in this.” Let’s spin.”
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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