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Parents of children aged 6 to 12 report various strategies to help children cope with intense emotions. Credit: Sara Schultz, University of Michigan Health CS Mott Children’s Hospital National Survey of Child Health
Many parents are all too familiar with their children’s outbursts of anger, from sibling fights to protests over screen time limits.
But some parents may find it challenging to help their children cope with intense emotions. One in seven think their child gets angrier than their peers and four in ten say their child has experienced this. negative consequences when they’re angry, a new national poll suggests.
Seven in ten parents even think that they sometimes set a bad example in dealing with anger the University of Michigan Health CS Mott Children’s Hospital National Survey of Child Health.
“Children often react intensely to minor frustrations because they are still developing emotional regulation skills. Without guidance on how to express these feelings appropriately, this can lead to disruptive behavior, problems at school and strained relations,” said co-director of Mott Poll. Sarah Clark, MPH
“Parents play an important role in teaching children how to process and manage their anger productively. But some parents may need guidance themselves on the best strategies to do this.”
The nationally representative report is based on 1,031 responses from parents of children aged 6 to 12 who were surveyed in August 2024.
Some children express their anger more often
Although more than a third of parents feel their child has become better at managing anger, two in five parents worry that their child’s anger will cause problems for them. More parents of boys than girls say their child has experienced negative consequences for being angry in the past year, such as hurting themselves or others, having problems with friends or getting into trouble at school.
Fourteen percent of parents also think that their child gets angry more often than peers – and these parents are more likely to feel that they can set a bad example. anger managementworry that their child’s anger will cause problems, and report that their child has experienced negative reactions when angry.
“Children who feel or express emotions strongly can feel different from others, and if they are ashamed of their anger, this can make it much worse,” Clark said. “It’s important for parents to let children know that getting angry doesn’t make them a bad person and that they just have to learn to deal with it.”
But parents may not always use effective strategies for these challenges, with one in three parents saying they have not received advice on helping children learn to manage anger.
And while more than three-fifths of parents report that their child’s school has teachers or counselors who help children learn to manage their anger, less than half say the school provides parents with information on the subject.
More findings from the report plus strategies to help children process anger more effectively:
Help children identify calming aids
Parents surveyed endorsed various strategies to help their child deal with anger or frustration.
These strategies include cooling-down activities such as drawing, counting to 10 or deep breathing, thinking about something pleasant to keep calm, meditation or mindfulness, or distancing yourself from other people.
Some children also benefit from a physical outlet for their anger, such as tearing paper or squeezing a stress ball – something more parents of boys encouraged than parents of girls. Others may just need a chance to vent and be heard.
“For many children, effective strategies involve taking a break from the temporary frustration, giving them a chance to calm down and regain control,” Clark said. “There is no magic strategy that will work for every child, so it is helpful for parents to seek out different sources of information and advice and try different approaches.”
Recognize what is behind the anger
Most parents surveyed acknowledge their role in preventing angry outbursts.
To prevent their child from becoming angry or frustrated, parents say they often try to make sure they get enough sleep and exercise, help identify and avoid triggers, and avoid overscheduling.
Children’s anger also often stems from feelings of fear or disappointment, which they cannot properly express.
“Anger is often a secondary emotion or a response to underlying feelings,” Clark said. “Understanding this helps adults approach situations with empathy and patience.”
Model calm responses to anger
Most parents surveyed acknowledged that they sometimes set a bad example in dealing with anger.
By acknowledging their feelings and apologizing, parents can demonstrate effective anger management strategies that their children can use when they get too angry, Clark says.
Adults might consider sharing their self-soothing techniques, such as saying, “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take deep breaths.”
“Just as it’s normal for children to experience anger, adults do too,” Clark said. “If parents feel like they have set a bad example, they have a valuable opportunity to turn the situation into a learning opportunity.”
Provide positive reinforcement
Clark recommends encouraging parents when they notice that children are dealing with their anger constructively. Specific praise, such as “it’s great that you took a deep breath instead of yelling,” reinforces the use of coping tools.
“Rewarding children for successfully dealing with a frustrating situation can send a positive message,” she said. ‘However, punishing a child for becoming angry or frustrated will not be effective unless parents emphasize the importance of using strategies to deal with their frustration.
“Some children have a temperament that makes them more sensitive to frustration, leading to faster and more intense reactions.”
While it’s important to validate feelings, she says, parents should also set clear limits on aggressive behavior, such as hurting others or breaking things.
Consider children’s anger management at school
Children may face different challenges and frustrations at school than at home, Clark notes.
“At school, children have less control. They are around peers, don’t have their own space, are forced to follow someone else’s schedule and can’t avoid things that upset them,” Clark said. ‘It is important that parents understand how their children expressing emotions in this outdoor environment.”
She recommends it parents use school conferences to ask how their child is coping with daily frustrations and to inform teachers about strategies that work best at home but can be adapted to the school environment.
Seek professional help if necessary
If a child’s anger becomes severe, frequent, or uncontrollable, it may be helpful to see a therapist or counselor.
Children who experience underlying problems, such as anxiety, trauma or learning difficulties, may have more difficulty controlling anger, Clark says. Professional support can provide them with tailored strategies and support families in managing these behaviors effectively.
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