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- A technical worker uses microdosing to manage PTSD and improve her work performance.
- Microdosing helps her concentrate and reduces panic attacks, improving work efficiency.
- Despite the benefits, she remains cautious due to the potential risks of high-level mushroom use.
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This as told essay is based on a conversation with a 46-year-old tech worker from Atlanta who wished to remain anonymous for privacy and professional reasons. Business Insider has verified her identity and employment, and her words have been edited for length and clarity.
I work in the technology sector for a notable Fortune 40 company. I started working for this company in 2004, when I was 26 years old. My company in 2012 placed me in Atlanta to open a new hub, so I moved there with my husband and daughter.
One day at work I was told to talk to an employee who was considered combative. When I wanted to talk to this person, I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I went to the bathroom to try to calm down, but I still felt out of breath. With this feeling I continued my working day.
Later that day I gave a presentation. When I started presenting, my voice and my whole body started shaking. I didn’t realize this was so a panic attack.
A few years later, in 2014, I started microdosing to combat those intense feelings. I realized that this made me better at my job, even though I have to be careful.
I started microdosing to help with my complex PTSD
As a child I had a traumatic life, including abuse and abandonment. This allowed me to develop complex PTSDand I was diagnosed dissociative personality disorder as an adult.
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When I moved to Atlanta, it was the most stressful job I’ve ever had. I was in charge of hundreds of employees who reported directly to me.
During this time, my ex-husband from my previous marriage initiated a lawsuit to gain custody of our daughter. It was the most stressful time of my life. My coworker suggested I talk to a professional and get help, but I was afraid to get one cognitive behavioral therapist or ‘talking therapist’. Before I moved to Atlanta, talking about my past with a therapist made my body feel like it was in physical danger because of my CPTSD.
I also tried focus patches, ADHD medications, and all kinds of physical changes in my environment, but nothing worked or the side effects were unpleasant. This time I didn’t want to do this to myself.
In April 2013, I went to a non-denominational church where I met a life coach. She recommended using mushrooms medicinally to deal with trauma. In December 2013 I visited my first medicine ceremony.
My performance at work suffered
Although it helped me feel relieved, at the time I was told my work performance was suffering. I was dissociating at work because of the stress, which made me… work performance inconsistent. I have also distanced myself outside of work.
During my dissociations I felt disconnected from my body and my environment. Sometimes I was driving my car and I felt like my car was floating. I decided to give cognitive behavioral therapy another try.
By attending my medicine ceremonies, I have learned about microdosing. My body is very sensitive to drugs and alcohol, so I wanted to know more about how microdosing affects me. But I didn’t know where to get medicine. I found someone who sold me 10 microdosing capsules for $40 through my ceremony contacts. I took the capsules for two days and then took the day off. Since I was using them several days a week, this became expensive.
Buying from dealers was difficult and inconsistent, so I decided to do that grow my own mushrooms. I experimented and learned how to do it myself by growing it in a bathtub.
The combination of traditional talk therapy and microdosing has changed my life
Microdosing creates space between my mental, emotional and physical states, making me less dissociative and less prone to panic attacks. When I have big projects, I have a hard time figuring out where to start or what to focus on. Microdosing helps me concentrate working on one task at a time to tackle the project in smaller chunks and not feel overwhelmed.
Although my job requires coding, research is also an important part of my job. I often have to solve unique problems that don’t have much literature on them. This makes it hard to stay focused as I’m constantly switching back and forth between coding and research, but microdosing helps me get into a state of flow.
Even though I’m a bit vague about the problems I’m working on, switching between research and coding helps me stay on track. It too helps me remember new information better.
My therapist warned me about medicine ceremonies
I have to be careful. There was the time I accidentally took the double dose, saw my hands shaking and realized I was too drunk to work. I knew I couldn’t handle meeting colleagues in this state. Luckily, I was able to take some time during my lunch break to get back to normal and get back to work.
I am open with my therapist about my microdosing. She supports me even though she has warned me about attending medicine ceremonies because taking high doses of mushrooms can cause dissociation. My body is already dissociating from PTSD, so it could make the situation worse for me.
My performance has improved now that I am an advocate
I don’t need Xanax or antidepressants. I just need a little help. Microdosing helps me bridge the gap between traditional medications and get them through life. My performance at work has improved a lot.
Since I started microdosing, I have been a much better mother, wife, employee, and person. I’m in favor.
Editor’s note: There is no medical consensus on whether these psychedelics have benefits, and these Drugs can carry risks.
If you have a unique experience with microdosing at work and would like to share your story, email Manseen Logan at [email protected].
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