By admin 
Dear Erik: I have a friend who I haven’t spoken to since her small wedding two years ago. I thought we were pretty good friends for 25 years. We shared our ups and downs.
Before her wedding, she told me it would be a small ceremony with only about 30 friends and family. It would be in a restaurant. They planned to pay for everyone and 30 was their limit. I was shocked and hurt when she told me there was no place for me. I always thought we were close.
I offered to pay for my own dinner, but she declined my offer and me. Later she sent me pictures of her ceremony, as if to include me in this pathetic way. I didn’t comment on the photos and we haven’t spoken since.
I always thought she would contact me, but she never did. Ultimately, I feel like she showed me that she really doesn’t care about our friendship and doesn’t care that I’m hurt. Am I wrong or is she wrong?
– From the guest list
Best Guest List: There is a saying that goes: ‘There are three sides to every story: your side, my side and the truth. And no one lies.”
It seems clear that you have different views on the depth of your friendship and the ways in which you can show the other how valued they are. She might view your friendship as less close than you do, or she might think that by texting you, she actually got you involved. And that is her truth.
However, your truth is just as valid. You have been hurt and part of a friendship is listening when a friend says we hurt them and then making it right.
To get closure, I suggest reaching out to clear the air. You wanted her to reach out to you in response to your pain, but did you actually tell her you were hurt? Is it possible that she was hurt because you didn’t respond to the photos? I’m not sure any of you are wrong here. However, a conversation is the only way to reach a shared truth and hopefully reconciliation.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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