A poll shows that many parents struggle to control their children’s anger

MONDAY, Nov. 18, 2024 (HealthDay News) — Angry outbursts are common in children, as siblings argue and children protest the unfairness of rules like screen time limits.

A new study shows that many parents struggle to control their children’s anger, and some even suspect that they are not setting a good example themselves.

Seven in 10 parents think they sometimes don’t handle anger well and their children can model that behavior, according to University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National poll on children’s health.

One in seven parents think their children get angrier than their peers, and four in 10 say their child has experienced negative consequences for getting angry, the poll found.

“Children often react intensely to small frustrations because they are still developing emotional regulation skills. Without guidance on how to properly express these feelings, it can lead to disruptive behavior, problems at school and strained relationships,” says co-director of Mott Poll. Sarah Clark.

“Parents play an important role in teaching children how to productively process and manage their anger,” Clark added in a hospital news release. “But some parents may need guidance themselves on the best strategies to do this.”

The poll shows that more parents of boys than of girls say their child has become angry enough to hurt themselves or others, have problems with friends or get into trouble at school.

However, parents do not always use effective strategies to address a child’s anger. In fact, the poll found that only one in three parents said they had received advice on helping children learn to manage anger.

Although more than three-fifths say their child’s school has teachers or counselors to help children manage their anger, less than half say the school offers parents information on the subject.

“Children who feel or express emotions strongly can feel different from others, and if they are ashamed of their anger, it can make the situation much worse,” Clark said. “It’s important for parents to let children know that getting angry doesn’t make them a bad person and that they just have to learn to deal with it.”

Parents said strategies that help children process anger include:

• Cool-down activities such as drawing, counting to 10 or deep breathing

• Physical outlets such as tearing paper or squeezing a stress ball

• By offering a friendly ear, so that they have the opportunity to vent and be heard

“For many children, effective strategies involve taking a break from temporary frustration, giving them a chance to calm down and regain control,” says Clark. “There is no magic strategy that will work for every child, so it is helpful for parents to seek out different sources of information and advice and try different approaches.”

Parents can also help prevent angry outbursts by making sure they get enough sleep and exercise, identifying and avoiding anger triggers such as feelings of anxiety or disappointment, and avoiding overscheduling.

“Anger is often a secondary emotion or a response to underlying feelings,” says Clark. “Understanding this allows adults to approach situations with empathy and patience.”

Parents should also take the time to praise children when they deal with their anger constructively, Clark added.

“Rewarding children for successfully dealing with a frustrating situation can send a positive message,” Clark said. “However, punishing a child for becoming angry or frustrated will not be effective unless parents emphasize the importance of using strategies to deal with their frustration.”

“Some children have a temperament that makes them more sensitive to frustration, which leads to quicker and more intense reactions,” Clark added.

Finally, parents should keep in mind that their children are likely to face different challenges and frustrations at school than at home, Clark said.

“Children have less control at school. They are around peers, don’t have their own space, are forced to follow someone else’s schedule and can’t avoid things that upset them,” Clark said. “It is important for parents to understand how their children express emotions in this outdoor environment.”

School conferences can give parents insight into how their child deals with daily frustrations, and can inform teachers about anger management strategies that work at home and can be adapted to the school environment, Clark said.

More information

The Child Mind Institute has more about it anger management in children.

SOURCE: University of Michigan, press release, November 18, 2024