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Joan Vassos also shares her thoughts on what went wrong with Pascal, and why she was so happy to see all her exes at the “Men Tell All” reunion.
If you look up the term “friendly exes” in the dictionary, you might see a photo from last night The Golden Bachelorette meeting, The men tell everything.
Not only were the 15 men on stage excited to reunite with Joan Vassos, the woman who rejected them during her bachelorette trip, she was also overjoyed to be able to talk to them again. “I really enjoyed seeing them last night so I could say, ‘I want you to be my friends forever,’” she says Entertainment weekly. “Those bonds are very big and deep. I am 61 years old. I have many good friends. I am not looking for new friends – but there is no way that I could not have these people in my life now.”
The day after filming the MTAJoan joined EW via Zoom to talk about the reunion lovefest, the unexpected break with Pascal during the Fantasy Suites weekand the boob-related blooper that Bachelor Nation didn’t get to see.
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Now that you’ve rewatched the season, what are some things that surprised you?
JOAN VASSOS: Completely, without a doubt, the boys’ interactions with each other. I had a feeling that they wouldn’t really be open – that they would talk about sports and maybe where they live and what their golf game is like or what they do in their free time. (I) never in a million years thought they would bond like that from night one. That was a completely different interaction that I have never seen in men. And I’m so excited that this was revealed on this show because I honestly don’t think it’s an interaction that anyone has ever seen.
Was there one conversation that really moved you?
Yes, there was a conversation between Mark and Pascal, where Mark talked about the hummingbird, and how he felt like his late wife gave him permission (to move on). I loved that conversation; they both cried. And when Mark left and Pascal said, “I lost my best friend.” It shows you how (deep connections) form in such a short time.
ABC
Mark tells Pascal and Jordan about the hummingbird on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’
Now that you’ve gone through this experience, what do you wish people had told you about being the Golden Bachelorette before you started shooting?
I’ve watched the show for many years, and I’ve seen the younger people do it, and it was a very different experience for me. I thought, “Oh, I know what’s going on. I know how to do this.” The emotions I felt were very different from what I thought they would be. I didn’t think it would be so emotional. I felt like I was super ready and this was just learning about the guys and dating them. I didn’t realize at all that these emotions would come up in me.
I think it was because I really came in and was like, “I’m really ready.” When I started having feelings for some men, I suddenly felt like, ‘I can’t do this. I still love John. How am I supposed to have feelings for other people? two people.” It took me a while to get through that. I don’t think anyone could have ever prepared me for that. But I think now that I know that, I have to prepare the next person.
On the Men tell everything reunion, you saw Pascal again after he left during Fantasy Suites week. You said that towards the end of your relationship you realized that things were starting to fall apart. Looking back, when did you first start to doubt whether the relationship would work?
He mentioned at his place of birth that he had been heartbroken in some of his relationships, and that he had to act slowly. I felt like that was a little warning, that it told me something. So that was kind of on my mind when I was trying to decide between Jordan and Pascal, which one to invite for the exotic (dates). During the rose ceremony, after I gave him a rose, he whispered to me, “My walls are falling down.” And I thought, okay, we’re making some progress. I was a little more hopeful.
Then on that date (in Tahiti) it just didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel wrong at first, but after that the Tahitian joining ceremony was quite awkward. We continued to feel uncomfortable the entire time. I tried to make it more comfortable, but it was a very intimate and deep (ceremony) and it required us to talk a lot about feelings.
ABC
Joan and Pascal during the Tahitian wedding ceremony on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’
It was long and hot, and by the end of that date I felt like everything was wrong. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I felt the same way, to be honest. It felt very wedding-like, and that was awkward. Going into that evening appointment, I imagined how it would actually go. I thought this might be the end of us, that we’d end up in Fantasy Suites talking about, “Are we good? What’s holding us back and are we going to get past it?” And that one of us would make a decision that night that this wasn’t going to work. He came with a decision that had already been made.
And I appreciate it. I know how difficult that is. I had to do a rose ceremony every week and it’s hard to say goodbye to people. It gives me a very bad feeling. I know he felt really bad and I didn’t want that. I hadn’t fallen in love with him either. I wasn’t there yet. I knew I had to be careful with my heart around him. It hurt my feelings a little. Rejection isn’t fun, of course, but I knew what I was signing up for, and I didn’t want him to leave feeling so bad. So last night it was really important that I could say that to him.
Bachelor Nation loves a blooper. Was there a moment when you were sure you were going to make the bloopers, but it didn’t happen?
To be honest, I try to block the embarrassing moments from my mind. Okay, there’s one that’s really embarrassing.
Say something!
Oh my God, I was in hometown Kansas with Chock, and it was really hot. It was honestly 105 degrees. There was a slight breeze, but it was warm and humid. I had on a sundress, and I had these chicken cutlet things (in my dress), like they were breast pads. I wore it because I’m wearing the summer dress and you’re not allowed to show the bra straps.
It’s probably three hours into the date, and I’ve been sweating for hours. Finally the end of the date approaches and Chock stands in front of the 30 people. We had done that ceremony to honor his mother, so he had a lot of family and friends there. We’re in front of everyone and he’s talking about me, about “how much I adore this woman and this journey we’ve been on.”
ABC
Chock and Joan, and Chock’s extended family, on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’
As he talks, I feel the chest pad come loose. I feel it starting to slip and I try to stop it with my arm, but I can’t. It comes up to my stomach, and then it comes straight from the bottom of the dress, and there it is near my foot! (Laughs) We stand for everyone. There is No Chances are no one saw it. But I don’t think the cameras noticed it, because they certainly would have shown it. So that was the one I came away with. (Laughs)
Finally, who is your top choice for Golden Bachelor?
That’s so difficult. Gosh. There were some salient points in my head at first, and after Tell All last night I thought, “You’ve got 14 there.” They have all learned so much and are now truly prepared to become the Golden Bachelor. I mean, there’s probably seven highlights, but I feel like I can’t say anyone because I would hate for someone to be singled out just because I said it.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
The Golden Bachelorette finale airs November 13 at 8pm ET/PT on ABC.